68. Quest for the secret
It is nevertheless a great advantage not having to run wretchedly after one’s life when one seeks the pure celestial life, and you can be grateful for being in a good position in this matter.
If all else seems to you vain and boring, it is because you are ready to go there where you have to go, that is, to the Kingdom of God, for all the rest «shall be added unto you».
While waiting to find the Kingdom, one can quite easily die miserably down here amid the indifference of the intelligent ones who encourage only vain research, that is, reasonable things like the atomic bomb, or pornographic literature, or the type which is emasculated… you know, all sorts of dead crusts! How can the world hope to benefit from the knowledge of the sons of God while it turns towards the sons of the devil and towards their astonishing but dead works, and which only engender death?…
I sometimes ask myself how I have managed to avoid going mad with anguish and grief in this crazy quest; I have needed truly unique physical condition and moral strength to resist being obliterated from one side or another. And I am not talking about the drama of extraordinary material difficulties in this dark and ferocious world that would alone have been sufficient to knock strong men to the ground. It has been, moreover, like a baker’s dozen, like an affectionate gift from the Most-High One to someone he is really fond of!
It seems to me quite strange for you to be surprised at being in the dark when you are only just starting your quest, and all humans (apart from one or two unknown exceptions) are even more in the dark. How could you appreciate something given so easily and without a pursuit? Did you not know that God has thoroughly tested all his chosen ones? Tested them to the limit of their strength and their patience, to the limit of despair? Did you know that some rare favourites have obtained the ultimate and possessive knowledge among the greatest saints of all time? Did you know that those who have only benefited from this knowledge, without possessing it, have waited just as long, and suffered thousands of rebuttals? It is enough for you to pray. God is not deaf or stupid, but he is strict, prudent and slow. The stakes are so fantastic and crazy that if we were fully aware, we might not dare ask for it, like those who cannot believe it because of its enormity and its implausibility. It is necessary to soak up the words of the masters before this puzzle begins to unravel itself in your brain.
The Church acts wisely by forbidding its followers from seeking the secret of the Universe.
It is too dangerous, too exhausting, too fearsome, and if it were not for God himself pushing you there irresistibly, and if he were not inspiring you directly, it would be pointless to venture into the labyrinth where madness lies in wait for us and devours us 99 times out of 100.
Let the lordly germ act in you quietly, that’s all. The secret is in you, and the authentic holy books are just quite imperfect mirrors in which you can recognize it by praying like mad. And I beg you to believe me, that neither erudition nor science, nor even intelligence can do anything if the Lord does not whisper the thing into your ear.
It is too easy, and that is what discourages the seekers, accustomed to great difficulties, to great subtleties, to enormous jobs, who cannot in their proud madness believe that God gives it freely to his children sitting quietly and attentively.
Do you understand the meaning of without malice? Without crust!
In our quest for the Lord, we must not let ourselves be shocked by anything or anyone, on pain of passing close to revelation so many times that we shall cover our eyes and we shall stop up our ears.
Blessed are those who shall have believed and who shall not have seen, for they shall see and they shall savour more than anyone.
