26. The author of «The Message Rediscovered»
One should not exaggerate or ask oneself too many questions about me, who doesn’t matter very much, and indeed not at all compared to the celestial music you sometimes hear. Who am I, dear friend? … in the eyes of the world, a failure, an idler, a malcontent, a rebel, a man like any other who gets stomach ache and who vomits, who toils and who gets impatient, one among millions of others who tries to survive every day and must apply his mind to exchanging his work against that of others to survive, an ant among all the other ants; perhaps also an ant who feels his wings coming through? Perhaps a king’s son who seeks his father’s house? Perhaps the one who remembers his lost or misplaced inheritance? Perhaps the one who has been sent on an errand? Perhaps the fish that has bitten the bait of heaven. Who knows? And what does it matter?
You do not ask like… so many others whether it is indeed me that wrote this book, but you have perhaps asked yourself that inside, happily remembering that the Spirit blows where it wishes… What is astonishing is not the book, but the conditions in which it was written: now, I will perhaps have its sweetness after having had its thorns?
We, my wife and I, are more and more attracted by Our Lord the Sun, and we wish more and more to go up to meet Him, there where he is in all his adorable and living splendour. It is curious to see how people seek God where he isn’t and how they do not see Him where He is! It must surely be far too dazzling! That desire grips us more and more and we really don’t know how it might be fulfilled, but everything is easy for the Unique One, as everything is difficult for us, poor fallen humans.
I have to make an ever-greater effort to survive, but I believe in it less and less, for the result seems to me derisory and worthless. One needs, on the other hand a quantity of faith verging on madness to trust solely in the Providence of God, and yet there is the only truth that does not perish, despite all appearances to the contrary.
I would like, right now, to live in the mountains close to the sky and close to the Sun, in prayer, in praise and in contemplation, without doing anything else; that’s really a good sign because it shows that I’m becoming more and more fit for the freedom and the repose of God’s children.
Just think of the small number of those who are ready down here to enter into the contemplation of the Unique One! It’s terrifying to realize that this number is tiny. And everyone wants to do something and nobody wants to leave it to God. That is the whole tragedy of strayed humanity that thinks itself capable of saving itself through its own strength alone. I hope the Blessed One will permit me to fulfil my desire, which is to converse with Him instead of bustling about uselessly in this transient world.
I sometimes ask myself if I haven’t wasted my time writing this «Message Rediscovered» instead of adoring in silence.
Here at last is the Sun god for whom we have longed so much this winter and we drink it with love and our faces are red with its love and with paternal embraces, for we encountered it yesterday in a little garden in the country and we remained facing it imprudently, so great was our joy. We blessed it, that which blesses all and of which ignorant men are so scornful. It shines more and more in my heart and I am also more and more afraid that men shall discover my crazy love despite my dark clothes that hide me from them.
